Perception when it comes to parenting is a mere assumption of "how it is". And then there is truth - the way it really is but never really gets discussed because as a parent, you end up figuring out that all those parental perceptions you thought were one way, are not as they seem.
So, let's dive into these disillusions of parental truths, and expose them for what they really are, shall we?
1. Changing your baby in public
The perception: If you have to change your baby's diaper while out, it's simple: You just use the changing table in the women's restroom.
The truth: Maybe I'm paranoid, but there is no way in hell I'm putting my 3 month old sons on top of that changing table. To even call it a "changing area" is an insult to changing tables. It comes as no surprise that public restrooms are the places where germs and cretins convene and have germ orgies. And everyone who enters that restroom is leaving a little bit of their cooties behind.
Perfect place to lay down my kid, right?
I keep a foldable changing pad in my diaper bag, along with wipes and antibacterial lotion. One glance at the state of the stalls and toilet, let alone the changing table, and I wouldn't even put down my changing pad on a public restroom changing table... or put it back in my bag.
The reality: You end up changing your child in your car. I have a truck, so I can open the trunk and lay down one of the boys there.
2. Sleep deprivation is soooo funny.
The perception: Knowing in advance that you are going to be woken up at all hours of the night is a source of humor for people when preparing you for parenthood.
The truth: Sleep deprivation IS NO JOKE. Ask me how many times I laughed my ass off when someone mentioned all the restless nights I was in store for.
Um. Zero.
The reality is that you will be so tired, your head will be hitting the back of the chair as you feed your child. You'll cry just a little bit inside when you're running on 2 hours of sleep, and just when you nod off to sleep, you'll probably be woken up again in an hour. It's all in the name of love - I love my sons unconditionally and when they cry, I want to be the one to soothe and comfort them. But there have been days when I'm so tired, I worry that I won't have enough energy to get me to the rest of the night without a nap during the day. But on those days when we've had a rough night, the last thing I want to do is laugh about the sleep I'm not having.
3. People respect your privacy as a parent.
The perception: This really isn't a parenthood perception, but more of a human being perception. Strangers going about their business respect each other's privacy, and you in turn show the same courtesy.
The reality: People, especially women, assume because they had a baby, and so did you, that they can ask you really personal questions about your children and you because you have that in common.
I didn't think much of this at the time, but a woman, who was very polite and innocent enough, was asking me about the boys and my delivery. I obliged and answered her questions. But she asked me if I was breastfeeding or bottle feeding. I answered, then we carried on our conversation.
I thought about it later, and it made me think: This woman was asking me such a personal and intimate question. What made her feel she had a right to know? If a guy came up to me and asked, I probably would have been creeped out.
Does that mean I have the right to ask her about her sex life? Maybe I should have, actually.
4. There is no such a thing as stupid questions.
You've heard this phrase before. And while I've asked my fair share of stupid questions, I like to give people credit for using their own common sense when it comes to enquiring about my children.
But some people are not so gifted.
I have been asked a lot of stupid questions, and have heard some equally how should I put it - annoying observations from strangers about the boys.
The top of the list: "Are they twins?"
<Insert epic eyeroll here..>
I hate to sound ungrateful for the curiosity and attention the boys receive, which, 95% of the time is positive, but let's break this down: I'm pushing a double stroller, with two car seats on it, with two babies who are the same size, and while Nathan and Landon aren't identical twins... It's pretty safe to assume they are a.) brothers and b.) twins.
Looks a little something like this:
Obvious, right? I could understand if the boys were a different age and in appearance were visually bigger than the other. But they're not.
Another question I get is: "You must go through a lot of diapers?" or "Do you change their diapers a lot?"
Well, I do have two asses to wipe, and I don't let the boys sit in filthy diapers for hours. And, even though there are two of them, essentially they ARE babies, so yes, we breeze through diapers. Parents of singleton's have the same experience so I'm not sure why it's fascinating to wonder about shitty diapers, but people love to ask.
The joys of parenting are amazing! But nothing prepares you for your new role other than diving in, and not letting what other people tell you taint your vision of what it is. Personally, I try to take the words of warning I get and keep them in the back of my head as a friendly "head's up", but I don't let it mold my idea of what being a mom should be.
What are some of your parental perceptions that you've discovered aren't what you were told?
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